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Times really have been trying; testing my patience, testing my determination and testing my perserverance. It's been tough. Going through school in a daze, only to wake up and find myself engulfed in stress.
To many, school is just something that we have to go through. Something that can be forgotten once we leave it's premises. To me, it's not. It rules my entire life. And that scares me. Why is it that everything I do, I think "Oh wait but there's that test coming up" or "Oh crap I havent done that yet" or "Gah I'm going to fail". It totally sucks; wayy wayyyy too much.
It's not easy, being like this. It's not easy feeling like you're the only one who really cannot cope. It's not easy knowing that you will fail.
Other's are smart, others are hardworking. What about me? I'm the girl who loves to procrastinate, the girl who's just that much slower than everyone else. The girl with the creative spirit who still just feels like a dim candle light in the middle of a sea of spotlights.
On the surface, I look like I've got it all. In a good school, much smarter than most; an all-rounded student with various leadership roles and a good mix of studies. I've got a family who is being spared by the financial crisis, I've got independence and freedom, I've got lots of awesome stuff and awesome friends, and yet...
I can't handle my life. Going through the tests, the homework, always not being able to do them on my own, always lying on the borderline, most of the time one of the worst in the class. School makes up too much of my life now. Yeah SO WHAT if I'm a student? SO WHAT if I'm supposed to be all about school. Does anyone even know how much that SUCKS? Does anyone know how much it kills me?
The pain surrounds me, prickling on my skin, clawing through my head, piercing through my body. I'm drowning and I know it.
Drowning...
...drowning...
...
posted @ 8:33 PM |